Planning or Pantsing?

Planning or pantsing? That is the question.
As I mentioned in my last post, I am determined to write a novel this year and right now I am well and truly caught up in the 'How' debate.

I have had this long standing superstition that the ability to write something great is directly related to the medium used. Like if I find the perfect note book I will somehow be more able to write the perfect novel. It's ridiculous, I know, but that doesn't stop me walking into every stationary store that I see.
This long standing theory of mine has led me well and truly down the rabbit hole in all questions regarding how to write a novel. Do I want to write in ink on paper or type on the computer? Do I want to follow some kind of guideline or book and plan it all out (Planning) or do I just sit at my computer and start typing (Pantsing)? How will each of these methods assist and restrict my ability to write when and where I want to write? If I opt for paper, how will I keep it all organised? If I opt for computer will I need to buy some kind of software package to help me along the way?

There are so many different options and so many different opinions, but what works for someone else might not work for me. It's crazy.
Who knew there were so many different ways to write a book? I sure as hell didn't.

After a lot of research I think I am going to do a bit of planning first just because at the moment I feel totally overwhelmed by the whole process, and some structure might help.

Now I just have to decide how I'm going to do it.
There are tonnes of different software packages designed to help writers organise their thoughts and research and character profiles and things. I have used Scrivener before and really enjoyed it, but it was a little confusing and time consuming to figure out. Plus these things tie you to one computer and I like the idea of working anywhere. They also cost money, even if they do usually offer a free trial, and I have always kind of felt like I write better with just a pen and some paper.

So. Pen and paper it is then.
Now, originally I thought I would want to write in a really beautiful note book that I could carry around with me all the time. Now I'm not so sure because obviously I will need multiple note books and how will I keep it all organised? I'm going to be all over the place at the start, sometimes working on character profiles, sometimes on plot problems. It seems really organic and awesome to just work on it all as it comes, but I can't imagine that I will be super happy when I start actually writing and have to sort through it all to find certain bits and pieces of information.

So now I don't really know what to do.

*sigh*
I just wanna write a book...  :/

Suggestions from anyone who has been here before would be greatly appreciated. :[

Moving On

So things have been really busy for me recently and I haven't had as much time to blog as I would like. There has been illness, death, more illness, unplanned puppies, packing, moving house, work and a whole range of other stuff.
To say that it has been a stressful time would be a pretty huge understatement. I have been totally overwhelmed and close to tears on number of occasions. Moving out was a really huge deal because I have always been really close to my parents and my family and it's going to be really hard to be so far away from them.
Plus there is the fact that I don't have internet in my new house for FOUR more days!!
I'm not sure if I can survive without internet for that long. I'm stealing work internet just so that I can write this post! (Shhh. Don't tell anyone.) How am I supposed to pay bills and buy things late at night on an impulse or binge watch netflix?? *sigh*

So anyway. I got a little off track there complaining about my lack of internet. The point of this post is that things have been pretty rubbish and stressful but now I have moved to Sydney I'm trying to use it as an opportunity to make a fresh start.

So here are the things I am going to do. These are kind of promises that I am making to myself so that I don't forget what this move represents.
I am going to walk my dogs every day and get healthy.
I am going to keep my room and my house clean. 
I am going to go out and see people and make new friends. 
I'm going to get motivated at work and get a promotion. 
I am going to write more blog posts and keep you all updated on my adventures.
I am going to finish my whispers in the night series. 

And then

Last but not least.

I am going to write a novel.

:]

I'm going to do it. It's going to be awesome. And I am going to post all about it on here as I go through all the highs and lows.


So here's to starting fresh and making the decision to chase after the things that I want from life. :]

Wish me luck.

Addiction

Protect me from myself,

Save my heart from its addiction. 

Paint over my very soul,

With the colour of your prescription. 

XV VI

Today I went to my grandfather's funeral. 

Today in 2007 one of the ones I love most died in my arms. 

Today sucked. 

:[

That Other Girl

When you look in the mirror,
are you the only one you ever see?
Sometimes I look and see a face,
that doesn't belong to me.

Dead eyes and a sarcastic smile,
lank hair and bleeding wrists,
She is a vine through my soul,
that kills me as she twists.

When I cough and choke on nothing,
she is breathing under water.
When I'm alive she tries to kill me,
a self inflicted slaughter.

She is a lurking presence in the dark,
the reason I cry when I'm asleep.
She is the twisted broken half of me,
and a secret that I must keep.

She is the one that trips me up,
and never gives me a moment to rest.
She is the reason I broke your heart,
when you just did you best.

She is the current dragging me under,
the silence that makes me scream.
She is the empty hole inside me,
the doubt that kills my self esteem.

She is the part of me that broke,
under the weight of death and despair.
She is the part that keeps me running,
when my lungs cry out for air.

We are one but not the same,
she is the dark and I'm the light.
So how can I hope to survive,
when part of me will always lose the fight?