Night

The sun sets,
and our walls tumble down.
Our secrets spill,
like stars on the ground.

Our minds go to sleep,
and our hearts come alive.
You whisper my name,
and I'm lost in your eyes.

The taste of liquid silver,
dripping slowly past my tongue.
The pain of love remembered,
the smell of battles lost and won.

Just a shadow on the winds breath,
is every day I'm living now.
My soul runs wild through forever,
every moment that I allow.

There is nothing to hold me fast,
to the moment currently passing.
I live completely in the past,
and in the future everlasting.

Fire shimmers in the meadows,
until spring is lost to slaughter,
but all that was will be again,
I am the full moon's daughter.

I'll lock myself away and scream into the dark Turn the music louder so I can't hear my heart.

Patch up the cracks

unbreak the stone

even living in ruins

beats being alone.

Danny

Outcast

When I am crying you walk right past.
When you're in groups I'm an outcast.

I sit by myself throughout every break.
When you're seen with me you shudder and shake.

You bitch about me when I'm not around.
You giggle and laugh when I fall to the ground.

You are cruel and mean in every way.
You make me loathe every single day.

You make me simply want to die.
While I stand alone and cry.

I took a gun from the draw where it lay in wait.
and took myself to the schools open gate.

You were all there laughing at me.
As I stood so silently.

You watched me put the gun to my head.
"It's all your fault" was all that I said.

You let out a scream as I fell to the ground.
You and your group huddled around.

You ran for help as quickly as you could.
As my blood spilled out over the spot where I'd stood.

My last words followed you around.
As the memory flashed of me dead on the ground.

My last words were stuck in your brain.
As you start to suffer from some of my pain.

The guilt ate through your mind through night and through day.
You saw I was right when I said that you'd pay.

Your friends drift away and you start to see,
Now that I'm dead, you've become me.

A Perfect Moment

Your heart is beating faster,
the music is playing slow,
But then her hand is in your hand,
and that's all you need to know.

Her smile says "I love you"'
and her heart welcomes you home.
With a kiss you make a promise,
to never leave her alone.

You promise health and sickness,
and love till the end of your years.
You promise support and trust,
through both happiness and tears.

Rose petals are falling,
in her hair and on your shoulder.
But the crowd is miles away,
the world is silent when you hold her.

Her lips are tight against yours,
you feel her smiling as you kiss,
Though you can't wait for the future,
you wish you could stay here, just like this.

Destroying myself

Sometimes I can't help but wonder,
what I am doing with my life.
I look back on decisions I have made,
and can't even remember why.

Why I decided I'd stop loving you,
why I decided you needed to go.
Why I broke your heart the way I did,
when you didn't want to let go.

I wonder why I thought I'd be better,
facing the world on my own.
Than living deep in your loving heart,
where you had always made me at home.

I wonder if it was something you did,
or if I just got bored, like I do.
I wonder if it was all in my head,
or if it had something to do with you.

It's been so long I can't remember the reasons,
I had for breaking your heart that day.
The reasons I coldly ignored you,
when you begged me just to stay.

Butterfly

Sunshine, rainbows and butterfly wings,

Little girls are made up of the prettiest things. 

Eyes opened wide and mouths made to smile, 

Tiny laughing creatures, make all the pain worthwhile. 

As each day ends, some of the light fades away, 

But little girls, forever, you wish they would stay. 

Sunshine becomes secrets and smiles turn to dust. 

Innocence corrupted as love turns to lust.

Little girls must grow up,
I'm sorry but it's true. 

But you say she will always
be that little girl to you. 

Life wreaks havoc and even butterflies break. 

Counting stars is replaced by a tally of mistakes. 

Headaches and heartbreaks and goals not achieved. 

Yelling and crying from lies not believed. 

Falling short of expectations,
and losing the will to try. 

Let go of little girl perfection,
or your young woman may say goodbye. 

Moonlight

The moon is biggest,
when it's close to the ground.
Your love says the most,
when you make not a sound.

Your kisses are liquid,
when they're warm in my hand.
Your goodbye meant the most,
when it really was the end.

The rain is softest,
when it falls on your grave.
My heart beats broken,
with the life I couldn't save.

Your memory lives on,
as the blood in my veins.
We dance in the moonlight,
now your heart's free of pain.

Addiction

Protect me from myself,

Save my heart from its addiction. 

Paint over my very soul,

With the colour of your prescription. 

That Other Girl

When you look in the mirror,
are you the only one you ever see?
Sometimes I look and see a face,
that doesn't belong to me.

Dead eyes and a sarcastic smile,
lank hair and bleeding wrists,
She is a vine through my soul,
that kills me as she twists.

When I cough and choke on nothing,
she is breathing under water.
When I'm alive she tries to kill me,
a self inflicted slaughter.

She is a lurking presence in the dark,
the reason I cry when I'm asleep.
She is the twisted broken half of me,
and a secret that I must keep.

She is the one that trips me up,
and never gives me a moment to rest.
She is the reason I broke your heart,
when you just did you best.

She is the current dragging me under,
the silence that makes me scream.
She is the empty hole inside me,
the doubt that kills my self esteem.

She is the part of me that broke,
under the weight of death and despair.
She is the part that keeps me running,
when my lungs cry out for air.

We are one but not the same,
she is the dark and I'm the light.
So how can I hope to survive,
when part of me will always lose the fight?

Give Me Love

Though the night has never been darker,
my eyes are filled with stars.
Though the air is frozen around me,
my heart is warm with the fire of Mars.

The god of war fights a raging battle,
of my heart against my mind.
The desire to keep on loving you,
versus the need to leave you behind.

With our promises kept like secrets,
and all my secrets spilled like lies.
I still need your arms around me,
but I'm wrapped up in empty skies.

Pinprick stars are hope still held,
the bright moon is the mistake I can't ignore.
My faith in our future ruined,
by all the times we broke before.

There were the times that I broke you,
and the times we broke each other.
But also the sweet lingers tingle,
of the night you first became my lover.

So how can I let go,
of the soft need within your kiss,
or the way you stole my breath,
when my name fell from your lips?

I still need your love, like I needed you,
right from the very start.
So give me all the love you have,
in every little piece of your broken heart.

Growing Up

The pressure of adoration.
The pressure of your trust.
The pressure to keep on going,
when dreams have died and turned to dust.

I know you say you love me,
but I don't know if that's really true.
I think that some place in your heart,
I'm still just a little girl to you.

I don't blame you for hanging on,
for not wanting to let her go.
But I don't know how to keep living,
in the weight of her perfect shadow.

I feel like a disappointment,
for outgrowing the girl that you knew.
I feel like every step towards finding myself,
is a step taking me further from you.

Danny

He lends me his strength and it is my strength.
He lends me his power and his grace.
He is the peace that quiets my heart,
and the warmth in the smile on my face.

He is the speed of wind over mountains,
a cresting wave in the wild raging sea.
He is patient as snowflakes falling,
and all this he gives freely to me.

He is fearless and strong and kind.
He is gentle when there is need.
He is huge and intelligent and wild,
and with him I feel myself freed.

With each hour he makes me better.
He shares all the best parts of his soul.
I never knew what I was missing,
until we met and he made me whole.

I know I can never deserve him.
Beside his greatness I'll always be small.
But each day he lifts me higher,
and gives me the strength I need to stand tall.

To many people he is just a horse,
but to me he will always be more.
He is a friend and a constant reminder,
that there are still things worth living for.

Fear

I do not fear the things that could kill me.
I fear the dawning of each new day.
I fear the damage life can inflict.
I fear the toll I may have to pay.

Sinuous poison dripping down,
Filling me up till I overflow.
Thoughts spiralling filled with nothing,
I'm losing grip on what I know.

Every day steals something I cherish,
I'm losing it all, one moment at a time.
But when you see me my face will be smiling.
I'll never let you know that I'm not fine.

Lines once clear and straight are blurring.
Connections are much harder to make,
but I'll smile just in case I'm supposed to,
I'll act like I still know your face.

My heart aches with the tears in your eyes,
and I know I've done something wrong.
But I have forgotten how to get better,
I've been lost in this haze for so long.

I'm drowning in smoke and terror,
in this world where I recognise naught.
It's never been this hard to fight,
for each gasp of clear conscious thought.

I can feel myself slipping away,
I'm losing grip on the man I used to be.
I'm trying to remember the people who matter,
but I don't even remember me.

Sometime I have good days,
but in some ways the make it harder.
I remember all that I've lost,
as the memories fade away faster.

We are told that it's just part of ageing,
and that there is nothing they can do.
I just have to sit and wait for Alzheimer's,
to steal every memory I have with you.

Free From Scars

I'm venting the pain,
so blood must flow.
I just can't hold on,
so down I will go.

Deep down into,
the darkness my friend.
Can't see where,
this is going to end.

Might end in healing,
and yet it might not.
If I survive, the scars,
will be all that I've got.

I've got plenty of scars,
not all you can see.
They mark ever time,
I have failed to break free.

I just want to be free,
so high up in the stars.
Free from this body,
painted in scars.

I can forget the scars,
but the memories stay.
It doesn't change a thing.
I'm still not okay.

What if...

There were infinite different paths,
I could have travelled along the way.
I wonder if in any of them,
I could have managed to make you stay...

I think, what if I were pretty,
and maybe a bit smarter too?
Would you still have left me?
Would I have still loved you?

What if I had kissed you,
that evening in the snow?
Silver starlight all around us,
and me never wanting to let go.

What if I hadn't called you again,
so soon after our date?
If I had sat home and just waited,
could I have avoided this fate?

What if I were like her,
so sexy, tall and smart?
Would I be cuddling in bed with you,
or still here with my broken heart?

Life is a series of choices,
so where did I choose wrong?
I must be at fault somehow,
I've known it all along.

You're so strong and smart and perfect.
Always far too good for me.
I know I have nothing to offer you,
I just wish you didn't agree.

What if I never loved you?
What if you never let go?
What if you never gave up?
What if I were still whole?

Watching Eyes

My skin prickles,
heart races,
soul feels,
your watching eyes.

I wonder what,
you think
you see,
within my lies.

Phantom watching,
me from
afar,
my heart denies.

You don't care,
enough
to share,
my broken skies.

Was not my choice,
to watch
you go,
leave me behind.

Forgotten friend,
you left
me alone,
and said goodbye.

Then from the blue,
I hear
you say,
we're still allies.

It's kind of nice,
to know
you're there,
to hear my cries.

I never let go,
even if
I gave,
you no replies.

You are not the
only
one who's
watching the skies

Can you feel it,
in your,
heart beat?
I'm watching Eyes.

My Greatest Fiction

I am my greatest work of fiction,
a perfect work of art.
A person created from nothing,
complete with all except a heart.

I am a million different threads,
of lives I pretend to lead.
Tell me how you want me,
I'll be anything you need.

If you want, I can be the hero,
I can play the bad guy too.
Just as long as I can be something,
someone who matters to you.

Half forged and half forgotten,
many threads no longer used.
The people they were made for,
no longer caught up in the ruse.

Different colours for different people
but only one is really me.
My thread is black and fraying,
no longer someone safe to be.

I'm lost in all these masks,
that I plaster onto my face.
I've no idea what I'd be,
without a mask in place.

Don't try to understand,
my patterns colourful whirl.
There's no truth left within,
I'm just a lie in the shape of a girl.