Friday, 20 January 2017

We laugh, we cry,
we fall in love.
We may fall down,
but we get up tough.

Saturday, 14 January 2017

The taste of liquid silver,
dripping slowly past my tongue.
The pain of love remembered,
the smell of battles lost and won.

Just a shadow on the winds breath,
is every day I'm living now.
My soul runs wild through forever,
every moment that I allow.

There is nothing to hold me fast,
to the moment currently passing.
I live completely in the past,
and in the future everlasting.

Fire shimmers in the meadows,
until spring is lost to slaughter,
but all that was will be again,
I am the full moon's daughter.


Monday, 9 January 2017

Damn it 2017!

So in my previous post I mentioned how 2017 was already off to a rocky start and I expressed my sincere hope that this year would get its act together real soon. 
Well apparently the universe took that as an invitation to make one of my chickens sick. 😔
Damn it 2017! 

My poor little chicken has been unwell for a couple of days. There isn't even anything I can do to help her. I just have to make her comfortable and see if she pulls through. 
I'm very upset because as anyone who follows me on Instagram knows, I'm pretty fond of my little chooks. They have such awesome little personalities. 
Here's hoping she looks a bit happier when I get home this afternoon. 

Things like this make it harder to ignore the weight of all the sadness and loss in this stupid world. 

Saturday, 7 January 2017

Welcome to 2017

The last few years have been pretty average. Things haven't gone super well for me or my family, but 2017 was supposed to be different. Things were supposed to get better. I wasn't asking for a perfect year, but no major disasters would have been nice. 
It's only the 8th of January and already my super health conscious uncle has had a stroke and my nans alzheimers has gotten so bad that she needs to be moved into a home. 
2017 had better get its act together real soon or we are going to have some problems. :/

On the plus side I am sticking to my resolution to write more. So hopefully I'll have some new stuff to put on here soon. :)

Tuesday, 15 November 2016

I'll lock myself away and scream into the dark Turn the music louder so I can't hear my heart.

Sunday, 2 October 2016

Ebb and Flow

Some days I feel like a person. Some days I feel like the last 9 years have meant something. Like I have progressed in some meaningful way. Some days I feel like the years have allowed some kind of healing in my heart.

Then there are the days like today. Today it might as well be 2007. Today I am the same girl who sat in the dark in my room with the door locked and music screaming watching the blood drip from my arm. Today I am not the person I have fought so hard to become. Today I am that broken mess of a girl that I used to be.

I hate that this person, this weakness, is still in me. I hate that I can fight for years to be better, to be happy. And in a second it can all just disappear.
I know it will be better tomorrow. I know tomorrow I will wake up fresh and put all the pieces back together again. But that's small comfort right now. Right now, even though I know that this night can't escape tomorrow, the sun coming up seems so impossibly far away.

And what's worse is that there is no one I can talk to. I don't have much in the way of friends. And the guy I am sleeping with isn't really into me. He just does me 'cause I'm there and willing. Plus, there is no point alarming anyone because I'm not going to do anything and tomorrow I'll make myself be fine again. So I come on here to write a post that no one will read because this is the only way I can get all this stuff safely out of my brain.

Why do I have to live like this? Is everyone else this miserable and they just keep it locked away like I do? Or am I as alone as I feel?

I just can't even

Saturday, 1 October 2016

Patch up the cracks
unbreak the stone
even living in ruins
beats being alone.