Fear

I do not fear the things that could kill me.
I fear the dawning of each new day.
I fear the damage life can inflict.
I fear the toll I may have to pay.

Sinuous poison dripping down,
Filling me up till I overflow.
Thoughts spiralling filled with nothing,
I'm losing grip on what I know.

Every day steals something I cherish,
I'm losing it all, one moment at a time.
But when you see me my face will be smiling.
I'll never let you know that I'm not fine.

Lines once clear and straight are blurring.
Connections are much harder to make,
but I'll smile just in case I'm supposed to,
I'll act like I still know your face.

My heart aches with the tears in your eyes,
and I know I've done something wrong.
But I have forgotten how to get better,
I've been lost in this haze for so long.

I'm drowning in smoke and terror,
in this world where I recognise naught.
It's never been this hard to fight,
for each gasp of clear conscious thought.

I can feel myself slipping away,
I'm losing grip on the man I used to be.
I'm trying to remember the people who matter,
but I don't even remember me.

Sometime I have good days,
but in some ways the make it harder.
I remember all that I've lost,
as the memories fade away faster.

We are told that it's just part of ageing,
and that there is nothing they can do.
I just have to sit and wait for Alzheimer's,
to steal every memory I have with you.