Thursday, 6 November 2014

Soundtrack of my Suicide 2

I stand upon the cliff top,
no one else around.
It's peaceful in this quiet,
of never ending sound.

The waves below on rock break,
like my heart upon the floor.
Though you left me darling
I'll be yours for ever more.

I hear the words playing over,
and over inside my head.
The doctor saying "stillborn"
and knowing I was dead.

You never saw the world love,
or took a single breath.
You dragged me down with you,
I died the instant of your death.

I felt your tiny soul leaving,
It ripped straight through my heart.
You left me with naught but rubble.
You tore all that I am apart.

I remember your father crying,
but no sound did I make.
There was nothing left inside me.
There was nothing left to break.

I know I could have another,
a baby boy or girl someday.
But how could I ever forgive them for living,
when you were taken away?

This empty feeling inside,
the hole where you used to be.
Its spreading slowly outwards.
It's taking over me.

Just one more step to take now,
off the edge of solid earth.
one short flight to freedom,
all I have wanted since your birth.

I can hear the wind crying,
just like you should have done.
Ocean spray mixed with tears,
I cry for you, my only son.

I didn't say goodbye,
to anyone I have known.
I'm not really leaving them,
I'm just finally coming home.

I'm sorry to leave your father,
but maybe he will come too.
We can be a family again,
as long as we are with you.

One foot over nothing,
about to take the fall.
About to come and find you,
in exchange for losing it all.

But really what am I losing?
There is nothing without you.
No one will understand, I know,
but this is what I need to do.

The wind is still howling around me,
the ocean spray still on my face.
I hear this music of screaming silence,
as I step into your embrace.

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