Sunday, 3 August 2014

Soundtrack of my Suicide

I lay in bed in the evening,
and turn my music down.
I hear you out there screaming.
I hear you trying not to drown.

The noise is always the same,
you are always trying to be strong.
But lets all face the truth for a minute,
it's pointless to go on.

I have been a burden,
since the first day that we met.
Over and over I let you down,
and done things that you can't forget.

But no matter what I do to you,
you never leave my side.
He never would have loved me,
no matter how much I tried.

Maybe that's why you fight for me,
when he raises his hand.
You place yourself in his way,
until you can no longer stand.

I'll not put you through this any longer.
This is the last time I'll let him hurt you.
I know it will be hard for a while,
but I'm certain that you will pull through.

Maybe tomorrow when I'm gone,
you wont have to keep getting hurt for me.
Maybe tomorrow when I'm gone,
he will be like the man he used to be.

You say he wasn't always a monster,
that he used to softly whisper your name.
You say he loved you so completely,
before you called me to you, and I came.

Please don't blame yourself mum,
when you find me here in bed tonight.
This is in no way your fault mum,
I just can't stand to see you fight.

The muffled sound of yelling,
and of his foot meeting your head,
is the perfect soundtrack for this night,
as I lay here, silent in my bed

It's good that I hear you screaming,
the sound like so many nights before.
The song I hate most, stuck on repeat,
but not for one single night more.

I'll do this thing for both of you,
I'll do it to set you both free.
No longer will you fight each other,
over stupid little old me.

The pills are taking hold now,
I'm trying so hard not to cry.
I keep thinking of your smiling face,
and it's hard to say goodbye.

I think I'm starting to drift off now,
you are sounding further and further away.
I just want you to know that I love you,
and that now you can finally be okay.

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